Praying Away Stress

Did you ever have one of those days where little annoyances piled up on you? Somebody cut you off in traffic. The barista at Starbucks was rude. A co-worker snapped at you for no reason. Your boss blamed you for something that you didn’t do. Your computer contracted a virus. One thing builds on another and by the end of the day you are overstressed and often take out your frustration on the people closest to you.

Many times we respond to these situations with anger. It might be an outward manifestation or we just keep it inside and let it boil. But there is a way to overcome those feelings before they take hold of you. Make a choice to respond with prayer instead of anger. When you get cut off in traffic, don’t curse or flash a gesture at the other driver. Instead, say a quick, “Lord I pray for that driver to make it home safely.” Pray that whatever trouble is happening in your co-worker’s life that she is able to resolve it so she gets her pleasant personality back. Pray that whoever wrote the virus your computer got would use his considerable talents for something productive instead of something destructive.

What happens when you do this? The first thing is that your initial response of anger has been turned into one of hope. It’s difficult to have two emotions at the same time. This way, hope has replaced anger. When that happens, you have let that annoyance go and it doesn’t have a chance to build up. Second, when you respond in anger, you usually don’t get any resolution. When you stew about your boss, you aren’t doing anything to change his behavior. Your anger then leads to frustration, which leads to more anxiety. Prayer, on the other hand, is an action. When you pray, you are doing something to change the situation. And ever better – prayer works!

This might seem really hard to do, but you can make it easier. You might try to make a game out of it and see how many people you can pray for – the person that takes two spaces in the parking lot, the person who blocks the aisle at the grocery store, the person who tells dirty jokes, the salesman who calls at dinnertime. If you do this for a while it will become easier and at some point it will become second nature. Anger is a response to a stimulus. Choose to make prayer your response instead.

If you try this, you will greatly reduce the stress in your life and you will also be advancing the kingdom of God. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21 NIV)

The Schadenfreude Channel

I hate to admit it, but I was watching one of the “audition” shows on America Idol the other night. In this heavily edited program, most of the time is spent watching people who think they sing better than they actually can get rejected by the judges and have their dreams and egos crushed in the process.

I followed this up by watching the premiere of “Moment of Truth” where the premise is that to win money you have to truthfully answer questions that get more and more embarrassing. The whole allure of the program is to get pleasure out of someone else’s pain.

There are so many of these shows that someone could combine them into one network and call it The Schadenfreude Channel (TSC). Think of what they would have to choose from. The Jerry Springer Show where every time the people come to blows; Maury Povich’s “Who’s Your Daddy” episodes where paternity is determined while you watch; Dateline’s internet pervert sting (with the obligatory police takedown in the yard). Even on The Apprentice the whole shows boils down to who gets fired. Wife Swap, Nanny 911, not to mention all of the “Celebrity Dirt” shows. And don’t forget that “You are … The Weakest Link.” It’s all the same. We enjoy seeing people get embarrassed and we like to know that other people are more screwed up than we are.

Three things are very troubling about the concept of TSC. First, should Christians be spending even a minute watching these shows? It doesn’t seem Christ-like to be entertained by watching someone else’s misfortune. It certainly doesn’t seem like a neighbor-loving thing to do. Second, these programs are wildly popular and if that is the case, it follows that a lot of Christians are watching. Third, and most troubling, is that I seem to have too much knowledge about these shows, which can only mean one thing. I am one of the viewers. It is just so easy to get sucked into watching.

This leads to the questions I have. Should Christians watch TSC-type shows or am I being too restrictive in my thinking? Do you, as a Christian, watch these shows and if you do, do you think that it’s fine or do you wish that you didn’t watch?

I’ll give you my answers. While there might be some informational value or redemptive qualities to these shows, when the real appeal is the schadenfreude aspect – getting pleasure from someone’s pain – I think that’s not a “Christian” thing to do. If we love our neighbors as ourselves, we wouldn’t want to see them hurting. And identifying ourselves as “better” than they are (as is the case with many of these shows) is a judgment that we shouldn’t be making, either. I have already confessed to being a viewer, but I’ll say a prayer right now, “Lord, I am caught in the trap of enjoying people’s pain. Help me, in real time, to notice what I am doing and help me to turn away from it. Make mine a loving heart, not a cold one.”

Pray It Forward

There is a book and movie called “Pay It Forward” and the premise is that a 12-year-old boy, as part of a school assignment, decides to do three good deeds for people. When they ask him how they can repay him, he tells them to “pay it forward” by doing three good deeds for three other people. Pray It Forward is kind of a variation on this theme.

A Christian friend related his story of a morning run where he witnessed a magnificent sunrise. He was praising God for revealing the beauty of His creation, but at the same time he wished someone else had been there to see it. This could be an opportunity to “Pray It Forward.” When something great happens to you –- God reveals His glory in some way, you are cured of an addiction, you are filled with peace after hearing a sermon or reading a passage from your Bible – thank God for that moment, and at the same time ask God to share that same feeling with someone else. Maybe you can pray that a certain person will receive the same insight or peaceful feeling or whatever, or maybe you can pray for any person to receive it. Don’t keep all the good stuff for yourself but pray that God shares it with others.

I Googled “Pray It Forward” and the phrase is being used by a lot of people. It ranges from simple prayer to praying for three people to crassly commercial ploys to buy someone’s “Pray It Forward” workbook. What I’m suggesting is a little different. By praying to share the good things that happen to you with someone else, it requires you to 1) pray, and 2) remember that what happened was a gift from God (so you can thank Him for it at the same time). I think both of these will help me on my Christian journey.

And by the way, in a recent sermon at church, I felt like the Holy Spirit was talking directly to me. It was a great feeling. I praise God for speaking to me that way – and I pray that the same thing happens to you.

New Year's Resolutions

As I got ready to ring in two double naught seven, I wondered if I should make any New Year’s resolutions. I could stand to lose weight, exercise more, get rid of my junk, or a long list of other things. But it seems that the list is the same every year. I got to thinking that maybe I was going about the resolution thing the wrong way. Just the way resolutions are – “I resolve to …” – makes it egocentric. It’s all about me. So, what if my resolutions are God focused, instead? Maybe like, “I’ll spend more time reading the Bible or I’ll give more generously,” but those are still focused on my thoughts and ideas.

How do you include God into this equation? I have had many occasions where I have felt that God was pushing me to do something. Maybe it was to volunteer at church or even something as simple as calling people to cheer them up. If you spend time in The Word and in prayer, I bet the same thing happens to you. You get little signs that indicate you should be doing something and often times something specific. And if you are like me, you don’t always follow through or you rationalize the message away.

So this year, I am going the turn this process over to God. I’ll let Him make the decisions and I’ll try to do the legwork. If I can do this, it will mean that I’m spending time on the more important things (and it might improve my resolution success rate!). That said, my resolution is this: “In 2007, I resolve to do the things that God puts on my heart to do.” It don’t know if it will mean helping a neighbor, teaching a class, or leading a march in Washington, D.C., but if I place my trust where it should be, how can I go wrong?

Happy New Year

Born That Way

There is quite a discussion going on in the Christian community (and society in general) about a certain type of lifestyle. Some people feel this lifestyle should not be condoned; it shouldn’t be accepted or recognized. They feel that these people certainly shouldn’t have certain jobs like schoolteachers where, by accepting this behavior, we legitimize it. On the other hand, a large segment of society says it’s none of our business what these people do, we should at the very least leave them alone, and many think these people deserve special protection to make sure they aren’t discriminated against.

One argument that the latter group often uses is that these people did not choose to be how they are, but rather that they were “born that way.” And if that is the case, society has no business judging their behavior, restricting their behavior, and by extension, this behavior should certainly not be challenged in any way by legal means. Maybe you are one of the people who feel that if people are “born that way” you should just look the other way and let them live like they want to live.

Now, of course, the people that I am talking about are serial killers like John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer. There is a lot of evidence to support the contention that psychopaths and sociopaths are not products of their environment, but products of their genetics – they were “born that way.” Serial killers often show similar anti-social and violent behavior even at a very young age so these qualities may be innate instead of learned.

But if you believe in “born that way, so look the other way,” then why wouldn’t you treat serial killers the same way you want to treat a certain other group of people? If this is what you really believe, then you would never judge serial killers, you wouldn’t try to restrict their behavior, and you certainly wouldn’t arrest them for what was basically “in their genes.” Why not have a serial killer as an elementary school teacher and when he kills and eats some of the students, you can say, “Oh well, he was born that way. There’s really nothing we can do about it.” I know that such an idea is ridiculous and absurd. But, hey, I’m not the one who started the “born that way” movement.

I can give you another example. I know, from direct observation as well as personal experience, that most teenagers have what could be described as “raging hormones.” Based on the frequency of this condition, we might assume that we were “born that way.” But most people, and certainly most Christians, don’t subscribe to the notion that teenagers should have sex with whoever they want, whenever they want, and as often as they want. As Christians, we have this sinful nature (we are “born that way”), but our response should be to turn away from sin, not to embrace it. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sin that we learned how to do or if we are programmed that way, part of being a Christian is trying not to sin, no matter what is causing you to want to do it.

The point of this exercise is to point out that there are right and wrong answers to these questions. They are found in the Bible – in the Word of God. Is it OK to kill people if you were born as a sociopath? The Bible says that it isn’t ok to do this – it doesn’t make an exception for your genetic composition. Maybe you think that lying is OK if it’s just for convenience and everything works out in the end. The Bible disagrees with that. It will be more difficult to discern the answers to some questions than others, but there is an answer. And if you are a Christian (and I would hope that most reasonable people would fit here too), being “born that way” is not an answer or an excuse that will hold up to even the slightest scrutiny.

Demonized

I am in a men’s group that is reading the book “Risk” by Kenny Luck. In a recent discussion, one person lamented that the secular world is ruining society. Strong language, immorality, perversion is rampant and almost worshipped by some people. But as I started thinking about our discussion, we were like the Pharisees who were ready to stone the adulteress. We were quick to find blame, but slow to accept it. What was fascinating was the amount of rationalization that we could do about our own actions. If we like a movie or TV show, we ignore the foul language. We know where all the actions scenes are (and where all of the nude scenes are). We are so accepting of lifestyles and behaviors that we not only love the sinner, we love the sin as well. And I am right in the middle of it with everyone else. What makes this so important is that this is a group of Christian men who are trying to take their faith to the next level. If this is how accepting we are of the sins of the world, what can we expect from everyone else?

John Eldridge, in his book, Wild at Heart, argues that the Christian Church has become feminized over the years. I would argue that the Church has become demonized. We spend a lot of time taking about forgiveness, but not so much about obedience. You can’t help but notice that forgiveness is what the Lord does for us, and obedience is what we do for the Lord. It’s no wonder that we want to focus on the easy part. When we become “demonized” we take a closer walk with the devil. It happens everywhere. We go see that movie with the dirty language, rampant sex, nudity, unnecessary violence and then say that we like the actor, or it has a good plot. It’s rationalization, but it’s worse – it’s demonization. We are there with our popcorn, and the Devil is sitting in the seat behind us. Our politicians have made lying and parsing of words an art form. Yet we vote for them anyway as long as they bring home the bacon for our state or cut our taxes or save the whales or whatever. More rationalization/demonization. Oh, and guess who is in the voting booth next to us? The Evil One. I could go on and on, but the situation is the same. What was the country like fifty years ago? There were fine movies that didn’t have cursing or nudity. Comedians could be hilarious without having to say the “F” word ten times a minute. Immoral behavior was looked down upon, people were held accountable, and they brought shame (what’s that anymore??) on their families. In short, society – Christian society – didn’t accept those things. Now we do. It didn’t happen all at once, but little by little. We invited the Devil in, and he quietly (very quietly!) accepted our invitation.

So here is an idea to fight demonization. Since we have already invited the Devil, let’s invite Jesus, too! It’s like this: “Hey Jesus, we’re going to see a great movie. It has a lot of gratuitous sex and violence. Would you like to join us? No? How about one that just has foul language? No? OK, let’s watch the poker tournament on TV. Poker is where you try to take all of the other person’s money by deceiving him. Not interested? OK, how about some humor. We’ll go to the Robin Williams concert. He’s hilarious – you just have to ignore the “F” word because he says it a lot. You’ll pass? OK, how about the latest sitcom where all of the characters sleep with each other? Not your bag? Let’s surf the internet. There are great lots of videos of people getting embarrassed or getting hurt. It’s a great laugh. Why are you shaking your head? Well, let’s go to the local pub. It’s happy hour – two for the price of one. Or eight for the price of four as I like to say. Not your style? You know, you’re making it tough on me. There are a lot of things that you don’t seem to like very much.”

And you can sum those up as things sinful behavior. You might be thinking, “This is not about me. I don’t download kiddie porn from the internet. I don’t cheat on my husband. I don’t go around cursing.” But Satan doesn’t always come in through the front door. Sometimes he comes in through the basement window that was left open. We have let society get where it is in large part by ignoring, and even committing, the little everyday sins.

So here’s what I’m going to do (and I invite you to do it as well). For the next week, I’m going to invite Jesus to be with me 24/7 and ask his opinion and follow his advice on the things I am doing. If I’m lucky, it might mean that I’ll turn off the TV when an inappropriate (in Jesus’ eyes) show comes on, no partypoker.net, no National Enquirer, no gossiping at work, no fist shaking when somebody cuts me off in traffic. To me, it seems like it will be difficult to stop the rationalization/demonization that’s been a part of my everyday life. But if Christians won’t face the Devil and turn their backs on everyday sins, who will?

Less Happiness, More Joy

In a meeting I was in last Saturday, we were talking about happiness and joy and how they are different. The opposite of happy is unhappy, or sad. The opposite of joy is a little different. It’s certainly not unjoy. Maybe the opposite is anguish or something like that. The point is that joy is a powerful word. I think that happiness is the pleasure of this world and joy is the pleasure of another world – the realm of the Creator. If we focus on happiness, we are focusing on the pleasures of the physical world. And we know that the physical world will eventually let us down. But if we focus on the other world – the time when we will spend eternity with our Creator – it’s a different story. His promise does not change from day to day.

There is something else about focusing on happiness that can be a problem. It’s said that tragedy brings us closer to God. Isn’t the opposite true? Often when things are going well we lose focus on God. When your marriage is great, you get promoted at work, your child is an honor student, you are healthy, etc., there is a tendency to think about how well you have done. How well YOU have done. It’s easy to think that all of these blessings are of our own doing and when we think this, we become separated from God. I see this all time. So maybe we should pray for less happiness and more joy. What? That’s absurd. Why would we not want to be happy? Maybe if our happiness is drawing us away from God. Philippians 1:29 (NKJV) says "For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for his sake,” and in 1 Peter 2:20 (NKJV) “But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.” And in Paul’s letter in 2 Corinthians 12:7- 9 (NKJV) “And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’”

So suffering (and that doesn’t sound like happiness) not only brings us closer to God, it is a gift from God. And when we get closer to God, that brings more joy into our lives. So maybe we should pray for less happiness and more joy. And when the suffering comes (as we know it will), use it as an opportunity to thank God for bringing you closer to Him. And when happiness comes, use that as an opportunity to praise God for the blessings He has given you – and the even greater joy that He has promised you.